It was a Saturday and my friends asked me to go to a party, but there was a problem: the place was far from my home and my parents don’t want me to go too far at night because they worry. If I wanted to go, I would have had to stay at a friend’s house. However, not all my female friends were there that night, and no one of those present could host me. I was thinking of not going when one of the guys in my group, G., who I had known for more than 7 years, told me that if I wanted I could stay at his place. He lives in a big penthouse with several free bedrooms, because his older brothers no longer lived with them. I wasn’t very sure, I didn’t want to bother him, but my friends insisted, they said we would have fun, so I decided to go. The night passed quietly and I enjoyed it very much. I didn’t even drink. Once home, I discovered the sad truth: I wouldn’t have slept in one of the free rooms despite having asked him several times. He insisted that I slept in his room, in his bed. The parents were sleeping and I was tired, I didn’t want to make a scene so I stayed in his room. I went to bed trying to lay down as close to the edge as possible. He started to be slimy, he wanted to fuck me and I certainly didn’t want to. He said things like: ‘if you didn’t want to have sex with me, you wouldn’t have come to sleep at my house’ and similar bullshit. I didn’t know what to do, I was trapped, the only way out I saw was to satisfy him. I didn’t want to have sex so I decided to give him a blowjob. It was very bad. I felt like vomiting, it made me sick. Luckily it didn’t last long. Once finished, he immediately went to sleep. I didn’t know what to do, the door was locked and I didn’t know where the key was. I went to the bathroom to rinse my mouth. I stayed in there for almost 2 hours. Then I went out and laid on the ground. I didn’t sleep at all. The next day he woke up acting like nothing had happened. I didn’t know if he was too drunk or if he was only ignoring the thing as if it was completely normal. I wanted to die. I went home and didn’t say anything to anyone for about 6 months, but I couldn’t go out with my friends anymore when he was there. When I finally said it to my female friends they couldn’t believe it. They felt responsible for what happened because they couldn’t host me. I regret my choice every day, as if it was only my fault. I can no longer trust any guy, I always feel insecure and just the idea of giving someone a blowjob makes me feel bad. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from that day.