I was drugged and raped at a work party. I do not have many memories of this night, except for how I felt, what I still carry with me. I was immediately so ashamed. So ashamed that this was somehow my fault. I would get into trouble, have to be punished for “having sex” at work. This is also what everyone thought that I spoke to: HR, CEO, etc. “Consensual sex at work”. Only one person believed me (outside of my inner circle of support) and that was a woman who is also a survivor. She understood that nonconsensual sex isn’t only if the person is screaming at the top of their lungs NO NO NO. what if that person is not able to say anything at all?
I think the worst part of it all was that I got harassed in different ways from different members. Police. My work place: HR. The guy. It was hell for 6 months. My work place would not protect me, he was not fired, only told to not come near me. Everyday at work, this guy would come downstairs (fully knowing he is not allowed to) to intimidate me, to make me drop the charges, I don’t know what his agenda was. And FINALLY after threatening to quit for the 3rd (!!!!!!) time, the company decided to fire him. not because of what he did to me, but because I was more valuable to the company. This doesn’t feel like justice. Meanwhile, the cops are asking me if I am a flirt, if I drank too much, if I did really want to have sex with him but that the next day I was embarrassed and lied. (!?!?!?!) How about the cops just BELIEVE the accuser the same way they immediately believe the accused?!?!?
No wonder when I sought help from a survivor hotline, the first thing they say is NOT to go to the cops, because the damage for your mental health is too great, and usually leads to no arrests and definitely no jail time.
This has been over 2 years now and I am still dealing with it. Maybe not every minute of every day, maybe not even every day, but there is always this hunger in me for justice, for people to believe me, for me to be protected and for revenge.